Fire anxiety: tips for managing your mental health during and after a crisis
While Darren Baguley was stuffing the turkey on Christmas Day, his wife, Shireen, was putting out spot fires on their Nullo Mountain property in New South Wales. They’d been running on adrenaline for weeks, sleeping just four hours a night, protecting their home and orchard from wildfires encroaching from three directions while watching their paddocks burn.
At one point, after preparing and then waiting for the fires, Baguley says, “I just felt incredibly empty”. He was also worried, because he had told his wife they could defend themselves. “So that was weighing on me because I was thinking, what if I’m wrong? What if we both end up dead? What if she gets injured and basically it was my fault because I was the one who said we can do this?”
They’ve been comparatively lucky. People just a few kilometres down the road came closer to losing everything. “They survived but they lost a lot more and right at the last minute they thought they were going to die, they thought it was all over, and they just ended up holding each other in a corner while their [property] blows up.”
Meanwhile, at least 28 people have died, more than 2,000 homes have gone up in flames and millions are spluttering on smoke fumes in Australia’s worst bushfire season on record. Apart from physical losses, traumatic events such as bushfires can impact people’s mental health, from common reactions such as shock, overwhelm, inability to focus or plan ahead, feeling tearful and obsessively replaying the event to serious long-term problems such as depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
There are several ways to tackle this.
Community support
In the short term, community and family support are most important, Prof Ian Hickie from the University of Sydney says. “The more communities can stay together, function together and resume their normal lives as quickly as possible and support each other, that’s the main way to reduce the psychological impacts,” he says.
“So in the immediate term what’s really important is supporting communities practically through infrastructure, like housing and accommodation and basic services, and then longer-term through support for employment, their businesses and schools so they can resume their normal community function. In certain communities it will be a sporting group, in others it’ll be a church or wildlife sanctuary or some other thing to reconstruct their lives.”
It’s vital to support existing services, Hickie adds, because sending in new charities, services and professionals who aren’t part of the local fabric can make things worse. Community connections and local services help people retain a sense of normality – even starting small, like having a cup of tea with a neighbour, says Prof Deborah Turnbull from the University of Adelaide. Indeed, the Baguleys found comfort taking time out amid the chaos to do simple things like read a book or watch a DVD, even if just for half an hour.
Be aware
Nearly half of Australians suffer a mental health disorder at some stage in their lives and are potentially most vulnerable to bushfire trauma. However, Turnbull notes, a survey of more than 2,000 young adults after Black Saturday found their experience of the devastating fires was a greater predictor of their distress.
It’s important to be aware of your emotions, she says. That might be feeling scared, anxious, or even terrified. Then, “think through what triggers those kinds of feelings and try and manage it”. She suggests “some really simple techniques like just being aware of your body and how relaxed or otherwise you feel, doing some really simple breathing techniques and just giving yourself some really caring self-talk.”
Hickie stresses that no one really knows how they are going to respond, and warns that people shouldn’t think they’re weak if they feel anxious or fearful, a big problem with many males and first responders who believe they must be strong and resilient.
Organisations such as Beyond Blue and the APS offer online resources to help people identify and understand their emotions and possible solutions, both during and after a crisis.
Problem solve
Problem solving can be very helpful, identifying any feelings or challenges and breaking them down to small component parts and working out if there’s a solution. Thousands of people in affected areas are faced with staying indoors, for instance, to avoid toxic smoke inhalation, which could be particularly difficult for people who have dogs or children or use outdoor exercise as a coping mechanism. Turnbull suggests researching alternative activities that would be safe. “This might also give people back a sense of control,” she says, “which is important for mental health and wellbeing.”
Don’t forget nutrition
Burgeoning research supports links between mental health, nutrition and diet. Adding to this, two clinical trials showed that micronutrient supplementation helped buffer the emotional after-effects of natural disasters – the Christchurch earthquake in New Zealand and Alberta floods in Canada.
Looking ahead
Disasters such as Ash Wednesday have shown that serious mental health issues arising from traumatic events don’t emerge for two or three years, says Prof Sandy McFarlane, a trauma expert from the University of Adelaide.
Extremely intense events, like losing a home or witnessing someone lose their life, can be particularly overwhelming. “If you think about a computer, if you have too many programs open, you’ve got too much information going in, the computer freezes,” McFarlane says. “The human brain is very much the same, so essentially these events become unprocessed. And those memories sit in people’s mind in an undigested manner and are constantly triggered by subtle things like smell, heat, sounds.”
Becoming aware of those unconscious triggers, then focusing on previous moments associated with feeling safe instead, can be a helpful coping mechanism. Seeking support is important, even starting with a trusted GP for physical symptoms, which often go hand-in-hand with conditions like depression, anxiety and PTSD.
Medicare has a Better Access initiative, says Turnbull, that can help people access appropriately trained social workers and occupational therapists, which can be helpful for those who aren’t ready or able to see a psychologist or psychiatrist.
Apps and online resources are available too, like ifarmwell for farmers impacted by crises and an online Beyond Blue forum dedicated to coping with bushfires.
For the rest of us
Few Australians are immune to feelings of worry or despair from the bushfires and associated horrors, recognised as eco-anxiety. Turnbull says it can help to understand this response is normal, to be aware of the thoughts that are fuelling those emotions, and managing the feelings and thoughts with simple breathing and self-talk. It might also help to take a break from news and social media, and ultimately many say the best antidote is action.
J.Lo, John Legend & Other Celebrities Mourn Kobe Bryant’s Sudden Death Hours After Helicopter Crash
The world lost a true legend on Sunday, January 26. After news broke of Kobe Bryant’s helicopter crash death, celebrities and fans took to social media to voice their heartbreak. Many stars had known the NBA icon for years, while others were inspired by him from afar.
Jennifer Lopez shared a touching Instagram tribute, including photos of her with the late basketball star, 41, and his family. “As I scrolled through Kobe’s feed, and Alex and I talk memories and moments we remember about him … this is the truth that rings out the loudest … family is what matters most,” the singer captioned the post. “We are all feeling sadness from this loss, but all I can think of is that it is a grain of sand compared to what Vanessa must going through right now.”
As RadarOnline.com readers know, Kobe’s 13-year-old daughter, Gianna “GiGi” Bryant, also died in the crash. The two were traveling — along with six other passengers — to Kobe’s Mamba Academy for a practice game around 9:40 a.m. on Sunday when the flying conditions turned dangerous due to the weather, and the pilot accidentally crashed the helicopter into a mountain in Calabasas. All nine people died at the scene.
Radar obtained the troubling flight tower audio before the fatal collision. In it, Ara Zobayan, the helicopter pilot, is heard discussing safe landing options with the air traffic control tower employees. It’s unclear if the foggy conditions were behind the crash.
Vanessa Hudgens, a known Lakers fan, shared three different Instagram posts about Kobe’s death. “Fuccccc***. I’m. So. Sad. I’m devastated. Cryyyying. Too soon to loose [sic] such a legend. Sending so much love to vanessa and the kids, she captioned a shot of the NBA star.
Readers know Kobe spent his 20-year career with the Los Angeles Lakers. On Sunday, pro basketball players across America honored the legend on the court. Atlanta Hawks guard Trae Young broke down in tears before his team’s game against the Washington Wizards. The New York Knicks and the Brooklyn Nets waited out the 24-second clock in honor of Kobe in the opening two sequences of their game at Madison Square Garden. The Toronto Raptors and the San Antonio Spurs did the same. Various other players and teams made their own tributes.
Kobe was number 24 for the Lakers. In his honor, the Dallas Mavericks retired the number 24.
Lamar Odom, a longtime friend of Kobe, couldn’t contain his emotion when reacting to his death on Instagram. “These picture are just the tip of the iceberg of our relationship. He taught me so many things in life that were necessary on and off the court. On the court he taught me how to carve out defenses and how to take my time. How to make winning my ultimate goal. Off the court he taught me to sign my own checks lol. Of course anyone who knows my story knows I’ve suffered a lot of loss but the only loss I can compare this to is when I lost my son. Even though our relationship wasn’t father/son, it was more like him being a teacher and me being his brother. I’m glad I got to be the ying to your yang as far as the locker room was concerned. It was my pleasure,” he captioned a series of shots of them together.
“I couldn’t even catch my breath today when I heard this news. I just knew if he was in a helicopter crash he would have been the one to survive. Somehow he would have jumped out and landed on his feet. I’m sitting here thinking about when we would be in practice scrimmaging and you would start the jump ball off with elbowing Sasha in the chest. Like dude it’s 10:30 in the morning lol. You think watching him play was crazy, you gotta think in practice if you scored like 8-9 buckets throughout the practice you had a great practice. I’ve seen him knock off 13-14 in a row in practice!!!! I’m still waiting for the media to come out and say wrong report. No way God took my brother this early. I know I been through my own stuff in life with using drugs and not being good to myself. When I went through that Coma situation if God would have came to me and said we would take me and spare Kobe I would have rather that happened. In honor of my brother I’m up at 4am tomorrow to get to the gym! Gigi gone give you buckets!!!! I love you brother 💔🙏🏿😥 @kobebryant,” he added.
Lizzo honored Kobe with her Grammy Awards performance in Los Angeles’ Staples Center. “Tonight is for Kobe,” she said before belting out “Cuz I Love You” and “Truth Hurts.”
Readers know the Staples Center is where Kobe played many home games for the Lakers.
Ryan Seacrest also mentioned the NBA legend, saying on the Grammys red carpet: “His loss will be felt even more deeply tonight at a place he considered home.”
“It’s unthinkable,” he continued. “This is a man and a family that we’ve gotten to know over the years. We’ve seen him play here before. He was on the phone with me a few months ago, talking about the love of being a father, talking about his daughters so pridefully, and I think so many artist here tonight will be thinking about this, and wanting to share their stories.”
Kevin Hart couldn’t believe the news. The comedian shared a photo of Kobe on Instagram, writing: “This honestly doesn’t make sense….I just saw you man. This hurts my heart. God please place your hands on his family and help guide them thru this unbearable time. We love you forever man…Legends never die!!!! #MambaMentality #RIP…. RIP to the other passengers as well as sending prayers to their families.”
In another Instagram post, he added, “I have no words…All I have is real tears….This is beyond heartbreaking… #prayingforthebryantfamily #RIPGianna #RIPKobe.”
“Conversations in the Dark” singer, John Legend, was equally stunned. “I’m so sad and stunned right now. In Staples Arena, where Kobe created so many memories for all of us, preparing to pay tribute to another brilliant man we lost too soon, Nipsey Hussle. Life can be so brutal and senseless sometimes. Hold on to your loved ones. We miss you, Kobe,” he tweeted.
His wife, Chrissy Teigen tweeted: “I cannot believe this is real. My god. Oh my god.”
She later added: “Downtown right now and nothing feels more unimportant than what we are doing today. This is absolutely terrible. Everyone is numb.”
Will Smith could not find the words to express his heartache. The Gemini Man actor simply shared a throwback photo of himself and Kobe on Instagram.
His wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, shared a photo of Kobe and daughter GiGi on Instagram. “Life is so fragile. This is the kind of loss that makes you deeply reflective. My prayers to Vanessa, her children and all of those who love Kobe and Gigi,” she wrote. “This is a hard one. My heart is broken and bleeding everywhere today.”
Kanye West returned to Twitter after a long hiatus to honor the basketball icon. “Kobe, We love you brother,” he wrote alongside a throwback picture of himself, Kobe, record producer Swizz Beatz and rapper Mos Def. “We’re praying for your family and appreciate the life you’ve lived and all the inspiration you gave.”
His wife, Kim Kardashian, also spoke out. “I cry just thinking about it,” she captioned a shot of Kobe with daughter GiGi. “My heart is so heavy. No one should ever experience what the families involved are going through. This has affected us all so much but I cannot begin to imagine what Vanessa is feeling losing her husband and her baby girl… . Rest In Peace Legend.”
Her sister Khloé Kardashian also reacted with a tweet. “This can’t be real there’s no way!!! My heart hurts,” she wrote.
Kylie Jenner shared a picture of Kobe embracing GiGi, writing, “At loss for words right now. praying for this beautiful family.”
Kris Jenner wrote, “Devastated by the news of losing our precious Kobe Bryant. Words cannot express our sadness. All my deepest love and prayers are with Vanessa and Kobe’s family at this time,” alongside a photo of the late NBA star.
Former United States President Barack Obama also shared his sadness on Twitter. “Kobe was a legend on the court and just getting started in what would have been just as meaningful a second act. To lose Gianna is even more heartbreaking to us as parents,” he wrote. “Michelle and I send love and prayers to Vanessa and the entire Bryant family on an unthinkable day.”
Vanessa Bryant has yet to break her silence on the tragedy.
Leonardo DiCaprio tweeted: “Kobe was truly larger than life, a legend. May he and all those who lost their lives today rest in peace. Love and condolences to his family. LA will never be the same.”
Ellen DeGeneres admitted: “Like everyone, I’m stunned and saddened by the news about Kobe Bryant. My heart is broken for his wife and family.”
The Departed actor Mark Wahlberg shared a sweet photo of Kobe playfully pinching his son’s cheek while sitting courtside at a Lakers game. “RIP,” he wrote in the caption.
Rapper Lil Wayne tweeted: “We lost a King. 824.”
Drake shared his heartbreak by posting a photo of a black leather jacket with the words “Farewell Mamba” stitched on the back. He wore the custom jacket in honor of the former Lakers star’s final NBA All-Star game in 2016. “It can’t be,” he captioned the post.
In his final years, Kobe worked as a basketball coach for his daughter’s team, the Mamba Lady Mavericks.
Pharrell Williams tweeted: “The world lost a giant today Rest In Peace Kobe Bryant. Also praying for the other passengers that we lost and their families.”
Among those killed in the collision were Orange Coast College basketball coach John Altobelli, his wife, Keri, and their teen daughter Alyssa. Basketball coach Christina Mauser also died in the brutal crash, as did Payton Chester — Gianna’s teammate — and her mother, Sarah Chester. Ara Zobayan, the helicopter pilot, was the last victim.
“Absolutely heartbreaking. Praying for strength for the entire Bryant family and sending all of you love. Rest In Peace Kobe and Gianna,” Kevin Jonas wrote on Instagram.
Chris Brown shared an Instagram photo of him greeting Kobe at a Lakers game. “DEVASTATED!! RIP❤️KING,” he captioned the shot.
Gigi Hadid shared a lengthy tribute to her Lakers icon on Instagram. In a post featuring a photo of Kobe with daughter Gianna, the model wrote: “This is too much. Rest In Peace and love together, legends. Growing up a Kobe fan brought so much joy to my life, like so many, and we were all so excited to see sweet Gigi play someday. Sending strength and my deepest condolences to Vanessa, the Bryant family, and all the families affected by this tragedy.” Later, in her Instagram Story, Gigi, 24, shared a photo of her as a child, dressed in a Lakers jersey and celebrating her birthday with a Lakers cake. The Los Angeles native also shared various photos of Kobe with his mini-me and of a tweet he sent Gigi in 2016.
Fellow supermodel Kendall Jenner wrote on Instagram: “Sadly, i never personally knew you, but knowing i’m capable of all these emotions for someone i only knew from a far makes me feel more human than ever. You had the magical ability of bringing people together, through sports and through your soul. we feel you so heavily today.”
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, who recently lost his father, shared a photo of Kobe and his daughter on Instagram, writing: “Love is forever.”
The View host Whoopi Goldberg tweeted: “RIP Kobe, hero to many including my grandson, extraordinary athlete and always kind to me & my family. My deepest condolences to his family.”
Demi Lovato — who broke down in tears during her Grammys performance — shared a photo of her and Kobe on Instagram. She wrote: “This makes me so sad. Kobe you were always so sweet to me. Known you over 10 years.. not super well but we always joked about you coming over and playing that game of horse! You will (be) so missed by so many. You’re a legend with wings now. RIP Kobe.”
Cher shared various tweets about the tragedy, writing, among other things: “It’s SO HARD To Deal With The Death Of a GREAT STAR, Because We Feel As If We Knew Them Personally. Kobe Bryant Was a GREAT ATHLETE,& All Of America Will Feel His Loss. The (World) Has Lost a Bright Light.”
“Just devastated to hear about #KobeBryant. An extraordinary athlete, and a genuinely kind, wonderful man. Sending love, prayers & compassion to his family. To his entire @NBA family as well,” Reese Witherspoon tweeted.
Godfather of Harlem actor Forest Whitaker tweeted on Monday, January 27: “The world has suffered a great loss with the passing of Kobe Bryant. His passion on and off the court inspired millions of people who watched him soar and defy gravity to reach his goals. I send my love and support to Vanessa and the Bryant family. May they be held in God’s Arms.”
Jimmy Kimmel wrote: “He was great, charismatic & among the hardest-working athletes ever, but what impressed me most was how deeply-involved Kobe was with his 4 daughters. Pray for them, Vanessa, his parents & his fellow passengers’ families on this sad and shocking day. We will never forget you Kobe.”
“So far 2020, you suck,” he added.
“Jesus this is heartbreaking,” late-night host Trevor Noah tweeted.
Mariah Carey tweeted: “In shock right now. RIP Kobe.”
Julia Roberts was at a loss for words. The Pretty Woman actress simply added a broken-heart emoji on Instagram.
Justin Bieber shared a throwback photo of him and Kobe to Instagram and wrote: “It can’t be. You always encouraged me mamba. Gave me some of the best quotes that we smile about to this day.! Love you man!”
Paula Abdul — who was a cheerleader for the Lakers and later became the choreographer for the famed Laker Girls — expressed her heartbreak on Twitter. “I am completely speechless and devastated at the unexpected passing of my dear friend, @kobebryant,” she wrote. “Kobe had a big heart and an even bigger love for the community of Los Angeles. Through his foundation, he changed the lives of so many people and families with his wife, Vanessa.”
Rapper Meek Mill tweeted: “It’s not no telling what you gone wake up to nowadays.”
“My heart is in pieces hearing the news of this unimaginable tragedy. I can’t fathom what the families are going through,” Taylor Swift wrote on Twitter. “Kobe meant so much to me and to us all. Sending my prayers, love, and endless condolences to Vanessa and the family and anyone who lost someone on that flight.”
Kobe and Gianna are survived by Kobe’s wife, Vanessa, 37, and Gianna’s three sisters: Natalia, 17, Bianka, 3, and Capri, 7 months.
TV therapists NIK and EVA SPEAKMAN reveal their top tips to get your diet back on track
Given up on all your weight loss resolutions already? TV therapists NIK and EVA SPEAKMAN reveal their top tips to get your diet back on track and beat those January blues
There is every chance you started the New Year on a fad diet or healthy eating regime but now the January blues have set in and resolutions are being broken.
Whether it’s sneaking to the kitchen in search of cake, running to the shop to satisfy a chocolate craving, or tucking into family-size bags of crisps, you may find it impossible to stop sabotaging all of your best weight-loss intentions. It can be so hard to understand why you’re rummaging through the fridge when you want nothing more than to be slim and healthy.
But don’t panic because we know exactly what’s happening – and we can help. As a married couple, we’ve been working together as therapists for 22 years. We’ve trained in numerous psychology and psychotherapy practices and we have worked with thousands of clients in person, at our workshops, and on live television, helping them to meet their weight-loss goals, to feel great and to transform their lives.
As a married couple, we’ve been working together as therapists for 22 years (pictured Nik and Eva Speakman)
Now we have written a book, Winning At Weight Loss, which reveals our tried and trusted methods for putting you back in control of what you eat. We can help you understand why you overeat and help you break the destructive habits you might have been carrying around for decades. You’ll develop new ways of thinking and sever any obsessions with food to enable you to transform your weight and establish a healthier, happier life.
Trust us, this advice will make a significant difference to your relationship with healthy eating and exercise. We understand how frustrating it is to find yourself overeating. You might look at us and assume we are naturally slim, but we have been on a journey of self-analysis for more than 20 years and we are proof our methods work.
When we met 29 years ago, Eva had a terrible relationship with food. She was a self-confessed chocaholic and would sneak to the kitchen in the middle of the night for her ‘fix’. Nik was a classic fussy eater who’d do anything to avoid fruit and veg.
But we’ve applied our principles to ourselves and we are living proof that they work. And the following pages are filled with tips and tricks to show you how.
Banish chocolate cravings forever! Lose weight faster than ever with our simple techniques to break bad habits
When so many of us are on a diet or trying to eat healthily, it is infuriating to find yourself overeating and preventing yourself from achieving your weight-loss goals. The problem is, food is so-often a ‘go-to’ crutch when we’re sad, mad, lonely, bored, disappointed or stressed.
If you are sleep-deprived, your body will crave energy and search for a quick source (like cakes), and irrespective of how focused and motivated you are to lose weight, a lack of sleep can cause you to overeat.
You might find yourself eating forbidden foods because you are bored, because you like the ‘crunch’, or just because they are forbidden.
Diets inevitably mean restriction and there’s nothing like telling yourself that you CAN’T have something to make you want it more. We also hear stories of perpetual yo-yo dieters who endure a never-ending battle with weight loss, and often face the additional anxiety of wanting to avoid eating in front of others and being photographed. This stress can exacerbate cravings and make self-sabotage more likely.
When so many of us are on a diet or trying to eat healthily, it is infuriating to find yourself overeating and preventing yourself from achieving your weight-loss goals (pictured, Eva Speakman)
Drop those unrealistic expectations and accept that it is OK to overindulge from time to time, and don’t punish yourself if your diet has ‘failed’. When you were learning to walk, you will have fallen over repeatedly. An occasional bar of chocolate doesn’t mean you’ve failed at weight loss – you are merely working towards the perfect act of healthy eating.
If you get frustrated with yourself for lingering too long at the buffet table, ordering crisps with your glass of wine or mindlessly moving your hand repeatedly from a plate of biscuits into your mouth when everyone else in the meeting seems perfectly able to resist, it is worth thinking about whether you are a creature of habits formed in childhood, or whether you are just following patterns established by friends or colleagues.
SHOP YOUR WAY TO GOOD HEALTH
1. Keep a detailed food diary for two weeks.
2. Highlight all the foods you know sabotage your slimming success.
3. Beside each, make a list of possible alternatives or substitutions for these foods.
4. Use a different-coloured highlighter pen to mark all the healthy choices that appear in your food diary.
5. Create a new shopping list based on your healthy food choices and all the healthy alternatives to your trigger foods.
The key to breaking bad habits is replacing them with good ones: think of a buffet table as a great opportunity to pile your plate with salad, change your drink of choice to snap the snack connection, and chew sugar-free gum whenever biscuits appear.
When you’re trying to work out your triggers, keeping a detailed food diary – of exactly what you eat and drink, when and with whom – will help make you consciously aware of what you are consuming, and also accountable.
You owe it to yourself, to be in control of how and what you eat, and writing your food diary is a big step towards that.
ARE YOU AN EMOTIONAL EATER?
If you find yourself craving unhealthy foods even though you are not hungry, don’t blame poor willpower. In many cases, a craving is your body crying out for the feelgood effects that junk food often provides. That’s because the food we enjoy helps to release hormones that boost our mood.
As endorphins (chemicals produced by the body to relieve stress and pain) are released, your pulse speeds up and you experience positive feelings – it’s like falling in love! These hormones offer comfort when we’re feeling sad, lonely or in need of a little love.
Research suggests that we actually get two hits: when we first ingest the food, and again when it reaches the stomach. But this elation is short-lived as the hormone disperses, and you will inevitably be left feeling discomfort and bloating, and perhaps embarrassment, guilt and shame.
As a brief distraction, fatty, sugary food can temporarily silence uncomfortable or unpleasant emotions such as loneliness, fear, sadness, anxiety, heartbreak and resentment – it can be a plaster you use to try to cover any wound.
We often find people are, without realising it, using junk food to rekindle the comfort of childhood when chocolate and sweets are so often given as a reward or treat. That’s why you might hear a voice inside your head saying: ‘Go on, you deserve this, you’ve been good today.’ There’s no doubt that an occasional treat can do you good, but unhelpful patterns can swiftly start to form if unresolved issues from your past are still causing emotional pain and making you regularly turn to food for solace.
Ice cream can sometimes seem like your new best friend if you’re feeling unloved or undervalued. But the buzz of reward will usually be short-lived, and if you’re on a diet, that tub of cookies and cream could be enough to make you throw in the towel, which will only dent your self-esteem more.
NIK and EVA SPEAKMAN: We often find people are, without realising it, using junk food to rekindle the comfort of childhood when chocolate and sweets are so often given as a reward or treat
We have found in some cases an old problem (even back as far as childhood) could still be haunting you and triggering food cravings decades later. If the discomfort you feel now when you think about a particular event feels like more than six out of ten, it could be significant. In many cases, merely making that connection could be enough to put you straight, or talking through these memories with someone you trust might help to reduce the chances of you searching for comfort in food.
Eva was made to feel inadequate in the past and ended up subconsciously using food as a way of punishing herself. (‘I’m fat and no one cares, so I might as well eat this anyway.’)
The most common cause of self-sabotage, low self-esteem and self-medicating is bullying, which ultimately leads people to give up on diets or exercise plans because they don’t believe they deserve to look and feel good.
If you have been made to feel useless and a failure, it is very common to sabotage your own slimming success in the belief that your efforts are futile. It is a form of self-punishment.
Once you have identified the events and the beliefs that lie behind your unhelpful eating patterns – and are preventing you from losing weight – you can take action to address them. Our mirror technique is a great way to flip self-destructive thinking and we have seen it can be powerfully effective in putting you back in control of your eating behaviour.
10-MINUTE TRICK TO CUT OUT JUNK FOOD
This simple technique is based on linking the foods you love to foods you would never eat – preferably those that make you retch at the thought of them.
We use this technique on ourselves and our relatives, and we are delighted to tell you that we haven’t eaten crisps or chocolate for more than 12 years now. Whenever Eva thinks of chocolate, images of tripe spring into her mind, and our daughter uses images of liver to curb her chocolate cravings.
One of our clients told us whenever she thinks of biscuits, all she can see is squid. The best thing about the method is that, if carried out correctly, the desire to eat these foods is extinguished indefinitely.
1. Pick the ‘vice food’ which sabotages your weight-loss attempts – perhaps it is chocolate, cake or crisps.
2. Close your eyes and imagine the face of somebody you love unconditionally in front of you. Put out your hand to where you see them – it is likely to be right in front of you, very close to your face.
3. Now try the same exercise with someone you haven’t seen for a long time (perhaps an old teacher). You should notice their image feels further away and is less clear. We tend to code important people – and foods – as being close to us, but we code the less important things further away. Any food you adore will be visualised close to your face, and foods you detest will seem much further away.
4. Close your eyes and imagine your favourite food. It should feel close, clear and brightly coloured. Put your hand where you can see it and open your eyes. Remember that position.
5. Next, think about a food that makes you feel nauseous or previously made you vomit (try tripe, raw liver, raw fish, squid, sour milk or offal). Close your eyes and imagine this food. The image is likely to seem unclear or blurred, and further away and very low down, perhaps on the floor. Put out your hand to this place, then open your eyes and be aware of where you see this food.
6. Now make the big switch: move the food you enjoy to the position of the food that you would never eat. Imagine that the food you like is on a tight bungee cord attached to you. Cut that cord and release that food, watching it fly to and land in the food you detest.
7. Repeat the process four or five times, seeing yourself releasing your favourite food and allowing it to drop on to the hated food, becoming tangled in a stomach-churning goo. Take time to imagine your favourite food mixing with the hated food. Start to diminish the colour and clarity of this image as your favourite food becomes tainted with the food you hate.
8. You should now notice that when you think of your favourite food, it will be somewhere it the distance alongside the foods you hate. Before long, merely thinking about it will make you feel queasy and you will lose all urge to eat it. Avoid the temptation to test the theory as tasting the food could erase all your efforts and you’ll need to start the process again.
Decide to be a victor, not a victim. If things from your past continue to affect you, then you are still a victim of that person or event. Make a decision today that you will be the victor of your past: you survived it and you are prepared to alter your perspective to set yourself free.
HOW TO INCREASE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM
One of the most powerful ways to reset your behaviour around food is to raise your self-esteem. It might sound like a monumental task, but in hundreds of cases we have been able to show this perceptual shift really does work because the better you feel about yourself, the more likely you are to want to invest in your health and your future and treat yourself to good food and regular exercise, instead of trying to stamp down on any bad feelings with chocolate.
NOW TRY THE MIRROR TECHNIQUE
This is so powerful that it can transform your behaviour overnight. One client told us she lost 2st after trying it. You will need a notepad and pen, and a voice recorder on your phone.
1. Stand in front of a full-length mirror. While looking in the mirror, write down or record everything that you see and say about yourself. What kind of person do you see in front of you? Are you strong? What do you look like? Do you see any weaknesses? If so, what are they? Write everything you perceive about yourself. Describe the person in front of you, both visually and emotionally. How do you feel about that person? Look at all your body parts and write down what you see.
2. Now count how many of the things you have said about yourself are negative and how many are positive.
3. Focus on the negative comments and ask: ‘Would I ever say those negative things to a stranger?’ If not, why not? Would you ever say them to a friend, child, partner, parents or loved ones? If not, why not? Is it because these words are mean and unkind? If they are not acceptable to say to anybody else, they are not acceptable to say to yourself.
4. Look at your list of negative comments and ask if someone else has said these things to you or somehow made you feel this way. Write a new list of the people who might have contributed to these unkind comments.
5. Ask yourself why you would want to listen to that person – what qualifications do they have to judge you? Are they even a part of your life? If not, that is because they are not important to you. If they are still a part of your life, consider why they may have said those things to you. Could they be envious or jealous of you? Are they scared of losing you? (Perhaps by knocking your self-esteem, you might be less likely to leave them and more likely to appreciate them more.) Is it because that person felt bad about themselves and in an effort to make themselves feel better they had to knock you down? Is it because they feared you would supersede them in life?
6. Once you realise the words you use to describe yourself aren’t yours but based on somebody else’s or how somebody else has made you feel, it’s time to view yourself through the eyes of love.
7. Stand in front of the mirror and close your eyes and think of someone who loves or loved you unconditionally, either now or in the past (a partner, a parent, a best friend, a colleague, a teacher, a pet or even someone who has died). Imagine that person standing beside you and see yourself floating out of your body and into that person’s body, and looking through their eyes at your reflection in the mirror.
8. Say out loud (you can dictate it into your phone) everything that person sees or saw in you. Looking in the mirror, what do they see? How do they describe you? Why do they love you? Do they think you are beautiful, kind, intelligent, fun to be around, that you are loyal, perfect, a good cook, good at making them feel special or loved? Do they compliment you about your hair, eyes, figure, stature or smile? Say it as they said it, with love, sincerity and meaning.
9. Now, in the knowledge that the person who loves or loved you is not a liar and that their feelings towards you were honest and true, press play on your voice memo, and with your eyes closed again, imagine seeing yourself in the mirror through the eyes of your loved one and listen to all the words that person said about you, everything they love about you. Listen to the words four or five times.
10. Very slowly open your eyes and see yourself in that mirror through the eyes of love. See yourself in the knowledge that the person who said all those lovely things about you did so because they were true, because people do not give compliments without reason. Nor do people give love without reason. Love is earned, and if anyone has ever loved you unconditionally, that is because you have earned it and because you are lovable.
11. Now write down all those compliments and positive things that your loved one said about you and keep them somewhere prominent. This could be at the side of your bed, on your desk at work, or in your wallet.
12. Whenever you need to remind yourself of how amazing you are, how loved you are and that you deserve to be happy, healthy and to have a positive relationship with food, reread this list and hear your loved one’s voice as you do so.
Learn to LOVE exercise in just seven easy-peasy steps
Exercise might be a fast-track solution to increased health and weight loss, but for many people the prospect of physical activity will seem about as exciting as watching a radiator cool down.
Yes, exercise releases feelgood brain chemicals, but so does eating delicious food.
And given the choice, most of us will opt for food, as it requires less effort and can be combined with other pleasurable activities, such as watching TV or socialising with friends.
NIK and EVA SPEAKMAN: Exercise might be a fast-track solution to increased health and weight loss, but for many people the prospect of physical activity will seem about as exciting as watching a radiator cool down
Many people find the whole concept of exercise a struggle. But as long as there is any trace of a negative association with exercise, there will be a barrier which will inevitably lead you to look for excuses as to why you CAN’T exercise, as opposed to focusing on reasons why you CAN.
But when 20 million Britons are inactive to the detriment of their health, we need to take action NOW.
Try our tried and trusted motivational techniques to help you overcome the barriers that may stand in your way, helping you to become healthier, fitter and lighter.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE HOME
You don’t need to join a gym to boost your activity levels. You can get fit at home with vacuuming, gardening, walking up and down your stairs – even choreographing your own dance routine to your favourite music in the comfort and privacy of your own home.
You can also use everyday household items to help build strength, such as cans of food, water bottles or even your baby (carefully!).
Eva would hold our children when they were babies while doing squats, chest presses and sit-ups, and would also power-walk while pushing them in their buggies.
Finally, if you are one of those people who has an exercise bike hidden under an enormous pile of clothes in your bedroom or else it is sitting in your shed, then how about dusting it down, creating a motivating soundtrack, and taking two bottles of water to use for some bicep curls and shoulder presses while cycling?
CREATE YOUR OWN VISION BOARD
Either find a photograph of yourself when you were at a weight you would like to return to or a ‘realistic’ picture of how you would like to look, and pin it to your board. Write your weight goal on your vision board and use Post-it notes or a chart to document the reduction in your size in centimetres, inches, pounds or kilograms. Keep your vision board in a visible place, so that you can look at it and appreciate it daily.
SET YOURSELF CLEAR GOALS
Create clear and realistic goals of what you would ultimately like to achieve: a dress size you’re aiming for, a target weight or the number of centimeters or inches you would like to lose from your waist or your thighs.
Note down small targets on your journey to give yourself a sense of achievement, and also reward yourself with treats along the way.
Sign up for organised charity walks, runs or bicycle rides as part of your health journey.
BUDDY UP FOR EXTRA MOTIVATION
We are often prepared to do more for others than we will do for ourselves, which is why exercising with a friend is a great way to keep you both on track and motivated.
Some people also respond better to healthy competition, so sharing your journey and competing with each other can help give you both a boost.
BOOK CLASSES... AND KEEP A NOTE
If you have a hair or dental appointment, you’ll note it in your diary so that you won’t miss it. If something else clashes with these appointments, you are likely to decline and offer an alternative date and time instead.
We would recommend the same process with your exercise routine.
Make it a diary appointment or book yourself a place in an organised class, and then put a lovely big tick at the side of it when you have completed your exercise.
GROUP EXERCISE IF MUCH MORE FUN
You'll find people of all different ages, shapes and sizes in an exercise class. It is also a great opportunity to meet new friends, and is often more fun and motivating than exercising alone. Local gyms, swimming baths, churches and social clubs will offer a variety of options for a variety of fitness levels.
REMEMBER THOSE HAPPY TIMES
Cast your mind back to any happy occasions in your life when you laughed uncontrollably, when you fell in love (either with a person, place or pet), when you were given a compliment or achieved something, or a special place or memorable experience.
Use this as a prompt to remember how incredible you are and what fabulous things you have seen, experienced, tried and been part of.
This will provide an instant boost to your self-esteem, which will make you more likely to get to the gym or get out on your bike.
LIFT WEIGHTS TO BURN MORE FAT
Weight-lifting is a significant component to weight loss, health and strength, and should not be underestimated. Using weights promotes weight loss because muscle helps you burn more calories. The more muscle you have, the higher your metabolic rate. Research shows that your body continues to burn calories after a lifting workout: the lean muscle mass you build from weight-lifting will speed up your resting metabolism. You’re more likely to burn body fat, instead of muscle, when you lift weights.
Adapted by Louise Atkinson © Mental Health Media Limited, 2019
Winning At Weight Loss, by Nik and Eva Speakman, is published by Orion Spring, priced £14.99. Offer price £11.99 (20 per cent discount) until February 18. To order, call 01603 648 155 or go to mailshop.co.uk. Free delivery on all orders – no minimum spend. Winning At Weight Loss is also available as an audiobook.
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