Why Leaders Must Stop Comparing Themselves To Their Cousins
New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick enjoyed great success after initially failing. (Photo by ... [+] Adam Glanzman/Getty Images)
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The popular image of the leader, especially in business, is of a person brimming with self-confidence making important decisions without a trace of self-doubt. However, according to the renowned consultant Alan Weiss, the reality is rather different. Many leaders — even those considered successful — are often highly fearful.
Thanks to The Impostor Phenomenon, a book published by Pauline Clance back in the 1980s, we are familiar with the idea that a significant proportion of high achievers in business, entertainment and sports (Clance put it at 80%) see themselves as not worthy of what they have achieved and afraid of being “found out”. This low self-esteem — another much-discussed aspect of modern life — is just one of several learned behaviors that contribute to the general fearfulness, says Weiss. Among them are the notion that errors are fatal — that, in his words, they are “the end of the road rather than just a bump in the road;” the allied idea that perfection is the norm, often inculcated in people by parents worried that the odd dropped grade will imperil future employment prospects; and the belief that it is impossible to recover from an embarrassing mistake, lost sale or whatever. Weiss reminds readers that this is “not what resilience is about,” and points to examples of people from President Lincoln to the eventually all-conquering New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick who have gone on to greatness after inauspicious starts.
In his new book, Fearless Leadership: Overcoming Reticence, Procrastination and the Voices of Doubt Inside Your Head, Weiss, who has advised executives in many of the world’s leading organisations, sets out strategies for the fears that many leaders internalise and allow to hold them back. Along the way they fear things they shouldn’t — the customer, the boss or the board — and are not sufficiently afraid of the things that should concern them — being left behind by technology, for example.
The book is concise and highly readable, with plenty of pithy aphorisms — “fear factors” — breaking up the text. Despite the brevity, there are too many lessons to be repeated here. But if there is an over-riding theme it is that we have choices — between being optimistic and pessimistic, for instance, or between abhorring and accepting risk. And at the heart of this is having a sensible approach to failure, so that it is something that is learned from and not an excuse to level blame at others.
Above all, he urges leaders to change the metrics. This, of course, flies in the face of those urging organisations and their leaders to benchmark themselves against the best. But the links with perfectionism, fear of failure and other factors that lead to avoiding decisions are clear. This comes down to what Weiss describes as not comparing yourself to your cousin. Pointing out that the seeds of doubt in many are sown by parents telling a child that, successful as they have been, they have not matched “cousin Vinny,” he writes: “You shouldn’t allow your cousin’s performance to be the metric, nor your predecessor, nor your superior, nor anyone else.”
3 Biggest Lessons from Conor McGregor's Comeback
The UFC superstar appears to have refocused after a rash of bad decisions threatened his legacy.
January 24, 2020 8 min read
Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.
This past weekend, Conor McGregor made his triumphant return to the UFC. He looked in fine form, dismantling Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone, a top-ranked fighter who has more wins and fight-finishing bonuses than any other fighter ever, in just 40 seconds. If referee Herb Dean had not given Cowboy every reasonable chance to defend himself, the fight might have been over in half that time.
This outcome was far from guaranteed. Conor’s rise to the top is the stuff of legend. The son of a taxi driver in the poor Irish neighborhood of Crumlin, in Dublin 12, he grew up longing to fight his way to fame and fortune. Ireland had never had an MMA champion, and he was literally laughed at when he predicted he would one day be a UFC champion. But no one laughed at him when he knocked out Jose Aldo, who had been undefeated for a decade, in a record-breaking 13 seconds, and became the undisputed featherweight (145 lb.) champion. Then he made history again by going up in weight class and capturing the lightweight (155 lb.) championship. After his historic win, he took the mic and taunted his haters, “I would like to apologize...to absolutely no one!”
Conor stepped away from the cage to see what else he could conquer. He started a whiskey distillery, Proper 12. He traded his MMA gloves for boxing gloves and got in the ring with Floyd “Money” Mayweather in a match that was as much spectacle as substance. Conor dominated early, but Floyd showed the skills that made him one of the greatest of all time by readjusting his strategy and winning by TKO in the 10th round.
Related: From MMA Champ to Whiskey Entrepreneur: a Conversation With Conor McGregor
Conor returned to the cage to take on Khabib “The Eagle” Nurmagomedov, the undefeated champion. You could see leading up to the fight that Conor was going beyond promotion and becoming a wild man. He attacked a member of Khabib’s fight camp by throwing a moving dolly at a coach bus, breaking the window and injuring two other fighters on the card who had nothing to do with him. A member of Conor’s entourage yelled racial and religious slurs at Khabib during the fight. The night ended with a WWE-like (but completely real) brawl.
Afterward, Conor’s life swung from wild highs to painful lows. A fan ran up to him asking for a selfie, and Conor snapped and broke the fan’s phone. He spent money like crazy and lost money in his MMA promotion. He and long-time partner Dee Devlin had a second child. He was in Forbes’ list of highest-paid athletes, yet was on many lists of worst sportsperson of the year. Then he hit what many consider his lowest point when he sucker-punched a 50-year-old man who turned down a drink at an Irish pub.
This is when I realized that Conor was going through what I call the tunnel. The tunnel is what many people call a “midlife crisis,” but it has nothing to do with age and everything to do with your perceived place in the world. This is an important stage most men refuse to go through. It’s where you feel uncertain, unfocused, and disconnected. It’s the stage where you question your purpose in the world. You still have the tools to do well in the world, but your motivation is missing, and you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. This is when you have to search deep down inside yourself, and find a way to listen to that inner voice deep down inside you to find your new purpose in the world, not as a warrior, but as a king.
Related: 5 Marketing Lessons From UFC Legend Conor McGregor
Conor had ascended to be one of the greatest warriors in the world. But when you’ve already reached the top, you sometimes want to chase the feeling of reaching the top again. But you can’t do that, it’s a formula for failure. With no clear goal, he began to sedate himself. He had so much drive as a warrior, but that warrior’s edge was no longer serving him. I hoped at the time that Conor would get the help that he needed to get out of his tunnel and find a new outlook on life. Maybe it was time for him to step away from fighting and focus on being a businessman, father, and husband.
When the UFC announced that Conor would return against Donald Cerrone, I, like many others, underestimated him. As Marvin Hagler famously said, “It’s hard to get up at 5:30 and go running when you’re sleeping on silk sheets.” I wondered if Conor should have stuck to selling drinks and promoting other fighters, I didn’t see how he could get back the hunger that once propelled him to the top of the fight game.
This weekend, I got my answer. Leading up to the fight, Conor was unusually deferential to Cowboy. Instead of being a wide-eyed, trash-talking maniac, McGregor praised Cowboy for being a family man and a game competitor. He promised he was abstaining from alcohol in preparation for the fight. He wasn’t fighting like a warrior. He was showing signs that he had put his demons behind him and was fighting like a King. After his quick win, McGregor not only embraced Cerrone, but went over to Cerrone’s grandmother and the two shared a warm hug. When I saw Tony Robbins in Conor’s corner, it all came together.
Tony had been working with Conor to help him rediscover himself. Conor was able to listen to that inner voice. He learned to quiet the doubt inside of him, and do what he knew he needed to do. He said he was not just back to who he was, but “better than who he was.” Conor was happier with himself than he’d been in a long time. He had come full circle.
I believe Tony showed Conor that if he wants to win, he can’t win with the old version of himself. He can’t win fights with the same strategy as he did before. He has to become a different version of Conor. He had to become a different human being because his biggest opponent is always himself.
Related: Conor McGregor's Business Partner on the Pivot That Created a Powerhouse Agency
This is what every entrepreneur needs to understand. If we want to make a comeback, we need to evolve and reinvent ourselves. Because doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results, is insanity.
Here are my 3 biggest takeaways from watching McGregor and Cowboy fight.
1. Look for a worthy opponent to increase your capacity.
In a big change, Conor honored his opponent from the beginning. He didn’t talk trash, he praised him, and afterward, he showed respect towards Cerrone and his whole family. That’s the mindset of a king. To know that even when you've beaten your opponent, it doesn't mean he’s less than you, because he made you strong.
2. Use everything you have to win the fight.
McGregor used a shoulder strike that may have looked insignificant at first, but the move completely disrupted Cerrone’s game plan. That set him up for the winning blow. Sometimes in business or in life, we want to only have the winning strike, but we don't look at the small moves that make a big difference.
3. You’re only as good as the people who are in your corner.
McGregor hiring Tony Robbins as his coach gave him a different perspective than just hanging around yes men. Sometimes you need to be around people who will tell you the truth. If you’re not surrounded by people who will challenge you and expand your capacity, you’re going to get into a rut and stop innovating. Because you’ll be the victim of your own hype.
This is what I love teaching my clients. To look at failures as feedback. Because life is always giving us exactly what we need in order to expand and grow. We’ve seen examples of McGregor over and over again, in business and in life. Your comeback is just around the corner. All you have to do is learn from your failure.
A Harvard Business School professor on the valuable lesson businesses can learn from a gas station chain
Two years ago, my husband and I took our kids on a road trip through Texas, starting off in Houston, then continuing through Austin, San Antonio, and other parts of the state. Before we left, my mother-in-law shouted to us, "Don't forget to stop at Buc-ee's!" I looked confused, so my husband side noted to me, "Buc-ee's is a gas station." But what was so special about Buc-ee's, a gas station?
Lo and behold, a couple hundred miles into the trip, we saw a Buc-ee's and my husband decided to stop for gas. I was blown away. The place was a sight to be seen. A sovereign kingdom to be bowed down to. The restrooms were immaculate. Tons of fountain drinks and mountains of ice to refill our coolers. Walls of its branded snacks, including delicious beef jerky and caramel popcorn. I could have browsed for hours. And of course, there were rows and rows of gas pumps so that we wouldn't have to wait. I was amazed, feeling like I was in some magical place.
Laura Huang. Courtesy of Laura Huang
What Buc-ee's did for me — and what it does for thousands of weekly visitors — is to truly and deeply enrich. Without a doubt, Buc-ee's created an incredibly enriching experience for me. It did so by excelling at its few, basic goods. In no way is "basic goods" meant to be, well, basic. Rather, it resembles Buc-ee's solid sense of its value-add, its core competencies, and its ultimate superpowers. It may seem strange to call immaculate bathrooms and endless gas pumps superpowers, but they are.
Captivated by my first visit to Buc-ee's, I spent the next part of our car ride researching and reading about this glorious company. I wanted to know how its story started and how Buc-ee's came to define its basic goods. I discovered that the first store was opened in 1982 in Lake Jackson, Texas by cofounders, Arch "Beaver" Aplin III and Don Wasek. Aplin and Wasek focused on just two things: cheap ice and clean restrooms — indeed, their basic goods. What they determined is that people go to gas stations for the gas, the restroom, and the ice for their Dr Pepper. And so Aplin and Wasek made sure that Buc-ee's had gas — that was a must. Once that was figured, they then focused on providing clean restrooms and inexpensive ice. That, ladies and gentlemen, is how they made Buc-ee's into not just any road trip destination, but a delightful and enriching experience.
And it has endured. Buc-ee's ability to enrich continues to impress to this day. Its basic goods indubitably lead to incredible business and reputational success.
"Edge: Turning Adversity into Advantage." Courtesy of Laura Huang
Take, for instance, how the Buc-ee's in Texas City has 33 urinals for the guys alone. That means there is rarely a wait. In fact, Buc-ee's has won awards for having the best public restrooms. Customers marvel at how clean the facilities are, even at four a.m. And it's not just one location of the company that impresses. The New Braunfels Buc-ee's has no fewer than 120 gas pumps and a store footprint of 67,000 square feet. Meanwhile, the location in Katy, Texas holds the record for the longest car wash conveyor belt. Ultimately, Buc-ee's has more than 30 locations across Texas and is expanding to Florida and Alabama, with additional locations in development.
Though Buc-ee's began as a gas station, these days, only 60% of the company's revenue actually comes from gas sales. An impressive 40% comes from convenience store items, including high-margin brand items. Buc-ee's has changed the way consumers think of the phrase "rest stop" because of the value it brings. In addition to gas, providing pristine bathrooms and cheap ice became the travel center's superpowers. And that allowed it to become "America's Best Bathroom," with customers bragging, "Buc-ee's is like an adult amusement park!" and "What's not great about Buc-ee's? Nothing!"
Buc-ee's ability to enrich through basic goods or "superpowers" is truly magical. It successfully enriches by focusing on excelling in the few areas that make it singular. There's nothing terribly complicated about big restrooms, lots of gas pumps, and plentiful ice. But there's absolutely everything to be won in providing reliably extraordinary experiences for customers.
For any growing business, any entrepreneur, or any manager forging a path forward — this lesson from Buc-ee's is invaluable. Know your basic goods or the basic goods of the organizations you are leading, because they are what you will come back to, time and time again. They're the key elements that will ensure your survival, your subsistence, and your ability to truly enrich. For Beaver Aplin III and Don Wasek, the basic goods were gas, ice, and clean bathrooms. With that strong foundation, Buc-ee's has been able to diversify to sell food, gifts, and clothing. But it's still the basics that get people coming back. What will your basic goods be? Knowing this will help you figure out what your ability to enrich is, and, most importantly, where you can create an edge.
Laura Huang is the MBA Class of 1954 Associate Professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School and the author of "Edge: Turning Adversity into Advantage" from which this essay is excerpted.
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