How to maintain relationships after marriage

01Maintaining interpersonal relationships with family after marriage

Romantic relationships are interpersonal, as well as those of family members and friends. There’s also such a thing as secondary interpersonal relationships. These include acquaintances, neighbours, and others who you interact with on a regular basis.

In short, you have some kind of interpersonal relationship with everyone you know.

Whether you're married or single, relationships are important for our emotional and physical well-being. So it’s necessary to learn how to develop and maintain them.

Some reasons for these relationships are listed below:

Interpersonal relationships are important for your overall physical and emotional happiness. Relationships help fight loneliness while also giving you a sense of purpose in life.

The closeness you feel with family and friends is an essential part of your social support. Relationships in other aspects of your life outside of romance and family can also have a positive effect on you; such as getting together with acquaintances for a shared interest or hobby.

All interpersonal relationships are built on loyalty, support, and trust. Close relationships may also be built on love. Mutual respect and reciprocation of these qualities is important in maintaining all your relationships. Otherwise, the relationship can become one-sided.

Family, friends and intimate relationships are necessary for everyday life.

Interpersonal Relationships After Marriage

When you get married, especially in an African setting, your circle of family widens to include in-laws. We cannot fully discuss interpersonal relationships after marriage without considering your relationships with in-laws as well. The significance of these relationships will show in many facets of life, including the quality of your marriage.

Although your relationships with in-laws share some similarities with relationships with your parents, you form your in-law ties as an adult. So you don't necessarily share a long history with them.

Maintaining Interpersonal Relationships With Family After Marriage Be Open

Any strong relationship needs to have the willingness to be open. This means the ability and desire to share what you’re thinking and your feelings about different subjects. When you are open and willing to share, it shows the other person that you care about the relationship; that you want to create a close connection by being truthful and receptive to the other person’s thoughts and feelings.

There's a limit to your openness in a marriage. You want to cultivate a beautiful relationship with your old and new family; but you want to protect your marriage too. And honestly, the latter is more important.

Show Empathy

Here’s a saying you may have heard before:

Powerful stuff. One of the deepest human desires is to feel understood. When you show empathy towards someone else, you are showing that you care enough to understand how they feel. And that goes a really long way in maintaining strong relationships.

Remember to show empathy whenever the opportunity presents itself in your relationships. This helps all of us feel more supported, understood, and most importantly, connected. And this goes for your family members, your in-laws, and even your spouse. Let's also include your friends, your co-workers, and everybody you meet.

Be Respectful

It goes without saying that in order to help build and maintain strong relationships, you will need to be respectful — respectful of the other person’s time, opinion, feelings, and so on. This is vitally important in one on one relationships such as a marriage or close friendship.

The same really holds true in close relationships that involve a group type dynamic.

Be Available

Giving your time is like giving a gift. Time is the one thing we all have the same amount of — same 24 hours in a day, same amount of days in a week, etc. How you choose to spend that time says a lot about you. And being available to someone shows that you value them enough to spend your time with them. That is absolutely huge. Family visits, picnics, and annual reunions will go a long way to strengthen your bond.

Being giving of your time shows the other person that you care enough about them and the relationship to share your most valuable commodity. Being available to someone will do wonders for maintaining strong personal relationships.

Establish Boundaries

Boundaries are critical for healthy relationships. A boundary is a belief, or way of life, or conviction that you have. It involves your beliefs, values, and limits. It’s important to be clear to other people in your life, especially the strong interpersonal relationships, about what your boundaries are. It helps to create self-esteem and respect in the relationship. It’s basically showing others what you stand for and what you will and won’t allow in your life.

Be a Good Listener

Something most people tend to forget is that listening is half of all communication. And when we get really good at listening, it becomes more than half of our communication. That’s because being a good listener will do wonders for your strong relationships.

Showing that you are actively listening will help boost the other person's self-esteem because it shows that you truly care about what they are saying. This makes them feel important and shows that you seek to understand. It also means that you care about how the other person feels.

NCBI Healthline

Also read: Nigerian lawyer Awele Ideal's inspiring story

This article was first published on AfricaParent.com

02

How to Maintain Relationships When Your Beliefs Change

Looking back, there were some things I wish I had done differently, such as being open, honest, and willing to dive into the tough conversations without fear of being rejected and a disappointment.

“In fear, I chose isolation over the uncomfortable, and now I have grace for my past self as that was part of my healing journey,” Knapp said. “I had to unlearn the voice of Christianity that had told me my voice was not to be trusted because it was demonic and I was innately a bad person.”

There were some things I wish I had done differently, such as being open, honest, and willing to dive into the tough conversations without fear of being rejected and a disappointment.

Los Angeles. Photo courtesy of author

When we are taught to not trust our own voice, our own instinct, we live under an umbrella of fear that takes time and healing to move past. McKenna and I have talked often about the struggles of deconstruction related to relationships, about how difficult healing from those losses have been and what healing looks like.

“I got caught in feeling like my friendships were supposed to last in the way they did for forever, which put so much pressure on what people thought of me, and what I felt comfortable talking about,” McKenna said. “Relationships evolve naturally — through moves, jobs, marriages, deaths, hardships, new opportunities — and yes, sometimes because of diverging ideologies. And that’s ok.”

There are only a handful of relationships that have lasted over the last year, but they give me hope that there can be people who will still love you and want to be in your life when you change. Those who don’t are a part of our former life and may need to remain there.

Knapp shared about a relationship with her producer Joey Ellwood, co-founder of Gotee Records, that she was surprised continued over major life shifts.

“I left the CCM world in 2002, but I still was under contract for two more albums. I physically and mentally couldn’t do it. I went to Joey and poured out my heart, and he lovingly listened to me and let me out of the contract. At the time, I couldn’t maintain a relationship with him, even though he had said and done nothing to hurt me; it was more that the people in the industry that surrounded him were deeply harmful for me to be around. I can’t remember who reached out first, but we rekindled our friendship when I moved back to Nashville. We regularly meet with coffee and I know that people think his relationship with me is an endorsement of my theology and he has never allowed that to change how he treats me.”

Love and friendship run deeper than shared beliefs.

I held a protective instinct to prepare myself for the worst — to assume I lost everyone. I thought my relationship with my dad would get harder, but it’s actually gotten better. I assumed some of my old housemates would never talk to me again, but several call me or text me regularly. Love and friendship run deeper than shared beliefs.

I am deeply grateful that today I have many loving and stable relationships, relationships I wasn’t sure would be possible a year ago. When I first moved to Los Angeles, I wasn’t certain if I would find a church or classmates who would allow me to fully be myself. It was terrifying moving here not knowing anyone and not having many relationships back home to rely on. Community came, healing came, and the truest friends stuck around. Knapp’s wise words give me hope:

“Be courageous enough to invite people to join you as you evolve.”

03

This is how Deepika Padukone’s relationship changed after marriage. Can you relate?

A lot of couples who tie the knot after being in a relationship for a long time might have wondered how marriage can affect their bond. Will it change their lives? Will love grow deeper? It seems, Deepika Padukone has an answer to this question. “There has been a certain change in our relationship after marriage. I cannot exactly express it in words. But there is definitely a change. I feel grounded and happier. It’s a good feeling,” said Deepika in an interview.

Deepika and Ranveer Singh got married last month in Italy and later they had a few lavish receptions at Bengaluru and Mumbai. When asked about their honeymoon plans, Deepika looked amused and came up with a quick reply. “It will be our honeymoon when Simmba will be released,” said the actress, adding, “We aren’t thinking too much about holidays now.” Ranveer is playing the lead role in Simmba, which was released on 28th December. In this much-awaited release of the year, Bollywood's latest sensation Sara Ali Khan is Ranveer’s leading lady.

Interestingly, in an interview with the Filmfare magazine, Deepika had revealed that the couple got engaged four years back. It didn’t come as a big surprise because although Deepika and Ranveer had never talked about their engagement openly but the couple never kept their relationship a secret from the world.

In fact, they have been each other’s pillar of strength. In a recent award function when Ranveer won the Best Actor award, he acknowledged on stage the role played by Deepika in his life. “Baby, I love you. Pichhle 6 saal main maine kuch bhi achieve kiya hai, kyunki aap ne mujhe grounded rakha, centered rakha. Thank you for everything and I love you.” (Whatever I have achieved in the past six years is because of you. You have kept me grounded and centered and I would like to thank you for everything.) Deepika and Ranveer had both accepted how they helped to keep each other grounded. When you are in a relationship or are married, it can be quite exhilarating at times. No wonder, a person might falter but it is the partner’s responsibility to keep him or her grounded. That’s where the strength of a relationship lies. And Deepika and Ranveer seem to be doing the same. Don’t they?