Starting Over: How To Rebuild Your Finances After Experiencing Financial Abuse
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Economic or financial abuse -- encompassing anything from secretly withholding funds to restricting basic needs -- isn't the typical focus of discussions about abusive relationships, but it's a more common issue than many may think. In fact, financial abuse occurs in 99 percent of instances of domestic violence, according to data from the Center for Financial Security.
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"The devastating impact of financial abuse lasts longer than other areas of harm from an abusive relationship," says Shannon Thomas, a licensed clinical social worker and certified clinical trauma professional who has conducted extensive research on financial abuse. "It undermines the survivor's ability to navigate through life in every way."
Some abusers may use manipulation to covertly remain in control of a victim's finances while others resort to outright intimidation or threatening behavior. No matter how financial abuse presents itself in a relationship, rebuilding financial independence takes both time and patience.
How to identify signs of financial abuse
Financial abuse can look different for every survivor and occur without any instances of verbal assault or physical violence.
Sabotaging career success, siphoning away shared funds for individual spending, restricting access to accounts, placing an unhealthy financial burden on someone, opening accounts in another person's name and limiting purchases of needs are just some examples that Thomas gives of financial abuse in action.
Financial abuse victims aren't restricted only to women or only those not in a bread-winning role. According to a 2017 survey from CentSai, 40 percent of men also reported having experienced financial abuse in relationships. And romantic relationships aren't the only type in which one person may be exploited for financial gain: business partners, parents and even roommates can all be financial abusers.
If you begin to notice a pattern of withholding financial information or other instances of manipulation, controlling behavior or isolation, that could be a clear sign of abusive behavior.
Moving forward from financial abuse
In some instances, cases of financial manipulation may be solved with conversation. If you feel comfortable raising the topic, try confronting your partner about the behavior you've noticed.
"It's really about…open communication about money," Thomas says. "Not just talking about it, but seeing bank statements and being able to know what income is brought into the situation, whether it's a relationship or business." She recommends setting your own boundaries to ensure decisions aren't made unilaterally by the exploitative party.
Thomas warns that when financial abusers are confronted about the behavior, there is a chance of retaliation by hiding money. "I like a lot of folks to get their house in order, get their ducks in a row and get some things in place so that they have a little bit of cash…if that abuser decides to start moving money around and they have to do things very quickly," she says.
In any instance of abuse your safety should be your top priority. If you feel you may be in danger, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or TTY1-800-787-3224 or a local hotline in your area. You can search a directory of domestic violence programs and shelters near you at domesticshelters.Org.
Looking ahead
If you're looking to get yourself out of a financially abusive situation, start by developing a plan.
The first step, Thomas says, is to begin monitoring your credit report so you're aware of any accounts opened in your name. You can check your own credit report for free and without impacting your credit score. Consider freezing your credit report (a free service) as well to prevent any new accounts being opened in your name.
"Going from there, if somebody is feeling like they're being controlled financially, we want them to also take a look at [whether] they have the ability to support themselves if they decided to leave," Thomas says. "Have they been a stay-at-home parent or do they have a fluctuating income? For someone that has been controlled financially, gaining their own financial independence is a huge step. And that takes time."
After leaving the financially abusive situation, think about going back to school or start looking for positions that may be a good fit. Explore nontraditional online positions or something with flexibility, like driving for a rideshare service.
How to rebuild after financial abuse
Once you've done what you can to protect your finances and regain financial independence, what comes next? The next chapter can feel overwhelming, but is ultimately an opportunity for you to lay a strong foundation on which to build the rest of your life. Here are steps you can take to establish your financial independence and help ensure long-term financial health.
Open a bank account and start saving
Some survivors may do this while planning escape, but if you don't already have your own bank account, make it your first priority to open one. Choose a reputable bank that fits your needs. Some offer in-person budgeting help or options to help customers manage their finances online. Larger national banks typically offer a wider range of services and accessibility while smaller local banks or credit unions can bring a personal touch to the banking process.
Do your own research and ask for recommendations from friends or family to make an informed decision based on what you feel will be right for you. Also consider the fees associated with your account.
Opening a bank account is typically a simple process. You'll need your Social Security Number and a valid ID. Some banks require minimum deposits for opening certain types of accounts. If you have enough money for the minimum deposit on a savings account, it's a good idea to open both a checking and savings account and start contributing to savings as you're able.
Prioritize saving a little of every paycheck in case of financial emergencies. Experts recommend directing 20 percent of your paycheck towards savings, but begin with whatever you're able to spare. Not having the money to cover unexpected expenses can have a lasting impact on your finances and cause you to go into debt. Aim to have at least three to six months' worth of essential expenses. Once you have that saved, consider putting money aside for other financial goals (such as a vacation fund, money to go back to school or the deposit on a house) or investing for retirement.
Make a budget
Once you have your own account set up, the next step is to make a budget that fits your needs. By taking the time and effort to budget out your expenses, you can take control of where exactly your money is going.
There is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all budget; determine what works best for you and your financial goals and will keep you from spending more than you make each month. There are several techniques that you can try:
Your credit report determines how trustworthy you are in the eyes of lenders. Without a good credit score, you may be denied for personal loans, mortgages, vehicle financing and more. Even if you are approved, lenders are more likely to give unfavorable interest rates and terms to borrowers with lower credit scores.
The easiest way to start building credit is to apply for a credit card and make timely monthly payments. If you're rebuilding your finances or are a first-time credit card user, there are many great options that charge no annual fee so you won't take on any additional costs that may hinder your progress. Here are a few things to consider:
It's important to establish healthy credit habits from the beginning of your credit journey. Don't spend more than you can pay off at the end of each month, always pay your bill on time and check your credit report for inaccuracies regularly.
More resources to help you rebuild
You don't have to go through this process alone. Surround yourself with trustworthy friends and family, and don't be afraid or ashamed to ask for help when you need it. You can also explore local and national programs available to help get you back on your feet.
Local food banks
In the first few months after escaping, it may feel difficult to even put food on the table. There are local food banks throughout America that help feed individuals and families. You can Google local food banks in your area or check out Feeding America's search tool.
Government assistance
Federal benefit programs can help you get back on your feet after escaping an abusive situation. There are programs available to help qualifying families and individuals pay for groceries, healthcare, housing and more. Some programs, such as Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF), also offer non-cash benefits like childcare and job training.
Domestic abuse coalitions
Many states have coalitions against domestic violence. These organizations can offer assistance to survivors looking for help getting back into the workforce, connecting with other survivors, finding support groups and more. You can check out The National Domestic Violence Hotline for a list of national and state-level organizations.
To Her Credit
If you're located in the Austin, TX area, consider joining Bankrate's sister site, CreditCards.Com, for a live event focused on empowering women in their financial journeys. There, you can sign up for a free, one-on-one consultation with a financial advisor, learn budgeting tricks and tips and participate in activities designed to help you apply expert advice to your own life. You're invited to attend the first To Her Credit event, entitled "Budgeting for you, not a stereotype," this Tuesday, Jan. 28 2020 in Austin, TX.
Never give up
"Rebuilding after financial restoration after abuse must be viewed as a marathon and not a sprint," says Thomas. "Every step towards financial stability post abuse should be recognized and celebrated. Otherwise, the rebuilding process can become discouraging."
This chapter in your life can be exhausting and exhilarating and just about every emotion in between. The important thing is to never give up. Working to establish and maintain your financial health is a lifelong journey, but start the process by taking it one step at a time.
If you or a loved one is suffering from domestic abuse (including financial abuse), please reach out for help. You can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.
Kate And William 'still Reeling' Over Meghan Markle And Harry's 'severe' Decision To Leave
Kate, the Duchess of Cambridge and Prince William, the Duke of Cambridge stepped out to represent the Queen at a Buckingham Palace reception hours after Prince Harry carried out his last engagement as a working royal. The Duke and Duchess were praised for their performance during the UK-Africa Investment Summit dinner but royal expert Katie Nicholl said Kate and William are "still reeling" from the "severe" changes now facing the Royal Family. Speaking to Entertainment Tonight, Ms Nicholl said: "Harry was at the summit, William was there at night but there was no crossing over.
"I think the severity of what’s happened has had a huge impact on his brother, on his sister-in-law.
"Both of them are still reeling from the news, coming to terms with the reality of this situation."
Meghan Markle and Prince Harry announced earlier this month they planned to lower the number of royal engagements attended to pursue "financial independence" from the Crown. The couple also said they would split their time between the UK and North America.
But after early talks with the Queen suggesting the Duke and Duchess of Sussex would continue to act as working royals albeit in a reduced capacity, Buckingham Palace confirmed in a statement on Saturday Meghan and Harry will no longer attend events on behalf of the Queen.
JUST IN: Meghan Markle sends Instagram into meltdown with unseen picture but timing 'unfortunate'
Kate and William, as second in lines to become Queen Consort and King of the UK, already increased the number of events they attend in preparation for their future roles but could be asked to take on even more work after the departure of Harry and Meghan.
The UK-Africa Investment Summit reception at Buckingham Palace marked the first solo dinner hosted by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge at the palace. Sophie Wessex and Prince Edward, as well as Princess Anne, attended alongside the couple to entertain the guests.
Body language expert Judi James explained Kate stayed professional for the majority of the reception, having been spotted laughing with Sophie as well as chatting amicably with several of the guests.
Ms James told Express.Co.Uk: “Like the Queen, Kate’s signature charisma involves continuity, meaning she tends to provide unchanging body language that is always upbeat, smiling and professional.”
READ MORE: Ex-minister DEMANDS inquiry after Queen’s grandson 'milks' royal connections
The body language expert added: “Her personal sadness at Harry’s exit must be quite deep as the pair always seemed close, with Harry making Kate uncharacteristically giggly on many royal outings.
“But her overall demeanour as she supports her husband on his first solo hosting spot at the palace looks as calmly smiling as always.
“In between the smiles and laughter, though, there are a couple of glimpses of a sadder, more reflective facial expression, both in the car and just before she enters the room to go on the royal ‘stage’, that might reveal some clues about her true emotions.”
Ms James added: "It’s obvious the Queen has sent her A-team to back him though, with a very smiley Princess Anne and Prince Edward plus a very watchful and supportive-looking Sophie Wessex, who seems to be bolstering Kate via some friendly chat.”
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Kate on Tuesday launched her 5 Big Questions survey aimed at bringing people together to discuss how to improve child-rearing techniques to raise the next generation.
Discussing the new campaign, the Duchess of Cambridge said: "I want to hear the key issued affecting our families and communities so I can focus on where it is needed most.
"Parents, carers and families are at the heart of caring for children in the formative years, so that is why I want to listen to them. As a parent, I know how much we cherish the future health and happiness of our children."
The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge will attend the Holocaust Memorial on January 27 to mark the 75th Anniversary since the liberation of the Auschwitz concentration camp.
Join To Her Credit, Our Financial Advice Brand For Women, For A Unique Event In Austin
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Financial literacy doesn't always cover issues that can often adversely affect women, like income inequality or cost differences ascribed to the Pink Tax. That's why our sister site, CreditCards.Com, has created a series entitled, "To Her Credit."
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The goal of the series is to start a conversation and help women on their path to financial independence, whatever that may mean for the individual. By covering important topics like sexism in the credit industry, the gender pay gap and the pink tax, the women of To Her Credit illustrate the problems present in the male-dominated industry of finance and offer practical solutions to overcome them.
To Her Credit hopes to show women how to thrive financially - not just survive - and illustrate that you are not alone if you struggle to take charge of your finances.
To further that point, To Her Credit is hosting their first live event in Austin, TX this month. If you live in or near Austin, you can meet other women dealing with the same issues, along with experts who can offer practical budgeting advice.
What to expect
Join To Her Credit this month for a budgeting workshop entitled "Budgeting for you, not a stereotype." The event will feature expert advice from Austin-area licensed financial advisors on any and all things budgeting. Plus, you can sign up for a free, one-on-one consultation with one of the speakers in attendance.
The event will take place on Tuesday, January 28 from 6 p.M. To 8 p.M. At Brentwood Social House and consist of two parts.
During the first half of the event, financial advisors will present on different aspects of budgeting. While the advice offered will be general and applicable to everyone, each advisor will present on a topic in which they are well-versed while addressing specific budgeting tactics and techniques.
To Her Credit will also touch on the importance of creating a workable budget that takes your personal needs into consideration, and why not all conventional financial advice could be right for you. You'll also be able to ask questions and participate in some hands-on activities to help you apply the lessons to your own life.
One-on-one with a financial advisor
During the second part of the event, attendees will have the chance to meet one-on-one with one of the speakers for a free, 15- to 20-minute budgeting consultation.
In these sessions, you'll have the chance to receive personal, actionable advice that applies to your specific financial situation. And you'll be able to ask any burning financial questions that you might have been too apprehensive to voice in a larger setting.
To sign up for your slot before the event, click here. There are a limited number of seats available, so signing up before the event is strongly encouraged.
Join us to take the next step in financial literacy
To Her Credit is designed for women, addressing topics that particularly affect them. However, everyone is welcome to attend this budgeting workshop. Attendees will be given the opportunity to voice any topics they feel should be covered in the financial advice series and tell their stories. The heart of this event is education and discussion, and we hope you'll join them.
Stay tuned as this story is updated with more information about the presenters. Visit the Facebook event page in the meantime to RSVP and don't forget to sign up for a consultation slot. We hope you can make it Tuesday, January 28 to Brentwood Social House!
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